My Testimony

TodayI was inspired to write and update the blog. I've wanted to write for a long time but couldn't find the time. So today I asked Eric to watch the kids and let me blog. I think, in order to first understand where we are in life you must first understand where we came from.

I was 25 when I met the Man of my Dreams. I knew from the first kiss he was the one for me! The Dreams and aspirations I had for our life ahead of us was often hard at times to have the patience with God to wait for each and every one of those dreams to come true. I can look at our wedding Photos and feel the love we had for each other that day, I can see in my eyes the excitement for our future! With a simple word "I do" I felt free to run with our dreams, to let go and let God take the wheel...

But sometimes things happen that are out of our control, sometime God hands us challenges to make us stronger within, and as a couple, so that one day when he does answer your prayers, your heart is ready for them.

Eric and I struggled to have a baby... for a year and seven months Eric and I prayed that God would bless our home with a baby. Test after test with the Doctors and EVERY test came back fine "There was nothing wrong with us" yet my heart couldn't accept the fact that we weren't getting pregnant. I wanted to know the answers and I began to think there was a problem that they are missing and "Once Satan tells you, " you have a problem" is when Satan tells you "you are the only one with that problem"~Mark Hall

No one talks about having problems getting pregnant, or miscarriages... Until you struggle with it yourself... Then and only then do people start talking. You wonder why no one ever says anything, why they don’t tell you how hard it can be at times or how heart braking it is too loose a baby....I am and will be the first to speak up to someone when they struggle getting pregnant and say "you are not along, I walked in your shoes and I am a living testament of Faith in God that HE CAN AND HE WILL if you just let him!!" I know it is not easy for everyone, I have been there!! I know that for some people there isn’t a medicine out there that will give them what we have been blessed with but I will say "If there is a will there is a way!!!"

I remember MANY times in my life being faced with challenging things that I NEVER thought I would over come... I thought many times "God what is the deal, The only thing I wanted MOST in life was to be a Mother, I wanted it more than Life itself and yet I just couldn't have it. There was "Nothing wrong with us" then WHY GOD!!” I fell to my knees many times, praying for God to just hear me... "Wasn't I worthy of this gift you give to people all the time Wasn't I as good as the other people out there that you bless Children with, I had so many challenges in my life and I couldn't understand them, but I took them and I excepted them.. But God this one I just can’t swallow, this one I am going to fight you for!!!"

Sometimes in life we pray for things that we REALLY want, We think if God could just give us this one thing "I will never ask for another thing in my life" (and through life we will pray that a million times, and God will laugh every time) And at some point God will actually see that you are ready for the gift you REALLY want. It’s like being a Child and really wanting something and your parents knows you are not "old enough" to have, and one say out of the blue we miraculously are. Like the day your parents take you for your first bike, first time they let you drive a car... God works the same way. It’s not that he can’t hear you; he just knows what is best for us and when we really need it.

Many times in life are we handed things that we don't think we are "good enough" for and we don't except Gods belief in us that we are GOOD ENOUGH!! We turn our selves away from his blessings and open our eyes to all the negative things that surround that blessing because we don't feel "worthy" of his love, the power of his love.

I remember the day that I realized Gods plan for our lives, I was talking to a Doctor and he wanted me to take another Medication and I was SOOO tired of all the meds that I wanted to take the next step. Nothing was working, yet they said NOTHING was wrong!! So WHY then... I said to the Doctor, "No More Meds lets go the next step, and he said Ok" That month I took shots to ovulate and we did an IUI.(Not to be confused with IVF where they take eggs and fertilize them and then implant them) What we did was I ovulated eggs and they insert the Eric’s sperm right into the uterus...But the first time we did that the night before the procedure the Doctor called me and said I had ovulated 32 eggs and 12 were viable.. (Yes I could have gotten pregnant with 12 babies that time.) The Doctor told me I shouldn't go forward unless I was willing to do "selective reduction" if I got pregnant with all 12. Selective reduction is like an abortion and I was not ok with that at all.

My heart sank, I thought, “why was God pushing me sooo hard to go forward and now that I am here he is taking this from me??” I in that moment felt peace and heard "TRUST ME, I WILL NOT HARM YOU" and I said to the Doctor, "Every bone in my body is telling me to go forward with this, if I get pregnant with multiples I will handle it!! I have Faith in God that we will be ok so yes let’s go forward" Only 5% get pregnant on the first try and that is how Allison came to us.

After that I was so in love with Allison that I said to God, if she is the only Baby that you bless my heart with then I am BEYOND GREATFUL to you. We stopped trying and enjoyed our lives together. Our BEAUTIFUL family of Three.

A year and a half later I was not feeling well; I was trying to lose a little weight for our friends wedding. I wanted to look good in this dress I had and I only had 5lbs to lose but for some reason I COULDN'T lose the weight. I told Eric I was going to take a pregnancy test, I said "I know I am not pregnant but I will just see" Going into the bathroom I was 100% prepared to see the negative I had seen a MILLION times... Then the positive showed up and I almost passed out. Eric was upstairs and I yelled for him... "OMG ERIC!! OMG I CANT BELIEVE IT!!! OMG HONEY WE'RE PREGNANT!!!" He came running down the stairs, and looked at the pregnancy stick and I fell to my knees crying and thanking God!! I couldn't believe it we did it on our own and God blessed our home again. I held Allison and we were sooooo happy!! We called our parents, told our friends WE WERE SOOO HAPPY.

We went to our first appointment and the Baby was fine but they thought I was pregnant with twins and something was wrong with one of the twins so to come back the next week and do another ultrasound...

Our Happiness was short lived and began a downward spiral of heart break. 9 weeks of heartbreak to be exact!! Something was wrong with our Baby, but his/her heart was beating… My glimmer of hope that things will be ok...My Glimmer of hope that HAUNTED me for months to pass... but this time there was no prayers, no medicines that could help us.. I remember the day like it was yesterday when my Dad pulled up and got out of the car... My Dad is a strong Man; I have only seen him cry a few times in my life. We are very close but he is a Dad and always had to be the strong one... That day my Dad got out of the car, and I ran to him like a child running to her Dad when he gets home, and he held me and we both cried...On August 4, 2010 we miscarried our baby. To this day it is still painful but I am SOOOOOO BLESSED to have had those 9weeks with that Baby!! I learned ALLOT about life, love and appreciation for the BLESSINGS God has given us in life. That Baby brought Eric and I so much closer, I learned to Love even more that day and I trusted in God that one day we will be blessed again..

9months later I still hadn't started and I had lost my patience, I wanted to move on with my life, I wanted a Baby so bad again to replace the hole in my heart that was created from the loss... But I didn't want to do what we had to do to have Alli. I wanted it to happen naturally because it was really trying on my body. I wasn't willing to do that to Allison so I trusted in the Doctors again. I remember the day the Doctors offered me to take a round of clomid to get me to ovulate. I jumped on that like a heartbeat. I was READY TO MOVE ON!!

Again I didn't think we would get pregnant because I had taken 6 rounds of clomid in the past and it hadn't worked. So I took the meds, saw I ovulated and that is the month the Triplets blessed our home. I remember Eric and I went to the store to get the test, again being prepared that we weren't pregnant, that the overwhelming fear of loss and rejection came over me but I took the test... I patiently watched the stick, tick...tick... tick....PREGNANT!!!

"OH GOD, SERIOUSLY!! IS THIS TRUE!!!" Eric was in the other room and I walked out of the bathroom crying, he looked at me and frowned and said "Its ok Baby, we will try again next month" I was so happy I couldn't see through my tears and kept shaking my head and handed him the test. His eyes filled with tears and said "NO WAY, SERIOUSLY?!?!?!? OMG SERIOUSLY!!" And we both hugged for what felt like a lifetime, felt like we hadn't seen each other for months and in that moment… our Hearts healed from the loss. We were sooooo EXCITED but that fear it would happen again kept us from telling everyone. We told our Family and two of our Best Friends and asked for prayers.

Every day till my Doctors appointment was like a lifetime. I was cramping and I was prepared for another loss. When we showed up for the appointment my Heart was ready to see the loss but to our surprise the Baby was ok, I was soooo overjoyed I started to cry... Then she saw the second Baby and I laughed and cried in happiness... And then she saw another Baby and I couldn't believe it... We were pregnant with TRIPLETS!!! "Is this really happening to us, OMG WE ARE HAVING TRIPLETS!!? We lost one and area now blessed with three!!"

For Months I felt I was just walking the motions of the pregnancy, I was afraid of another loss, We were faced with a Doctor who wasn't the most positive man alive and he tried to convince me to get rid of one of the Babies which didn't create a good conversation between us... needless to say I moved on to Dr.Zinotti who was a GOD SEND!!

I prayed for strength, something that would help me understand why us and we heard a saying very much like this "If I wanted somebody else I would have called upon someone else, you get up there and you show the world what I'll do if they let me"~ Mark Hall

34weeks, perfect pregnancy, no steroids, no actual measures to get pregnant, three healthy Babies, each 5lbs or more, only gained 38lbs and my health remained PERFECT the entire pregnancy. Babies were only in the NICU for 10 days....

It’s called FAITH, called Believing in yourself and Gods AMAZING work. It’s called walking blind and knowing one day you will see the light. I never was afraid I wouldn't be a Mother; I just didn't know how it would happen. I was willing to do whatever it took and I think God saw my faith in him and trusted me...

I will never understand how I got to be sooooo blessed, but I would go through all the trials we went through again... A million times over to have my 4 BEAUTIFUL Children again...

"We may not have it all together, but together we have it all"


And That is our story!!!

Sincerely,
The Talbot Family of 6